Can we stop telling people what “not to say” to us?

Don’t get me wrong, pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum and parenthood are serious business. This shit is hard. But it doesn’t mean we can’t lighten up a bit. 

As I’ve blogged before, we need to build up our communities, not build walls. It’s why my stomach churns every time I see headlines like “10 Things Not to Say to a New Mom.” 

Disclaimer: I’m not trying to pick on this particular blog. There are hundreds of blogs  like this, unfortunately.

What if we shifted the conversation from “leave us alone,” to “here’s what we really need from you.” 

If someone crosses a line, I am not afraid to stand up for myself and the choices I make for my son. But, I just can’t join the bandwagon that we have a right to be offended by everything and anything. We may be able to filter our newsfeeds, but let’s not get carried away in filtering our daily interactions. It is inevitable that we will face annoying questions, ignorant comments and unwarranted advice. We are human. Instead of “blocking” each other, let’s just … talk.

So, I am going to re-write it in a way that offers a different twist – a dose of tolerance and splash of sarcasm, because passive aggressively sharing these types of articles in hopes that the world will suddenly understand you is just a waste of time.

“10 Things You Are Going To Hear As A New Mom , So Deal With It And Respond Like The Badass You Are.”  *My response inspired by the following post originally published here.*

  1. Sleep When The Baby Sleeps: (Insert two minutes of loud laughter). Aww, will you come do my laundry, dishes, cooking, and shopping then?
  2. Wow, you look tired! Yeah, I am! I’d love a coffee or a helping hand. Keep your distance, I forgot to brush my teeth and haven’t had time to shower in a couple days.
  3. Your baby sure does cry a lot! Yep. It’s this weird thing babies do to express their biologic needs. We decided we are still going to keep em.
  4. It only gets worse as they get older. Yeah, adults suck!
  5. Did you really want a boy/a girl? No, I wanted a puppy, secretly.
  6. Are you going back to work soon? Just … answer it. How is this offensive?
  7. Are you ready for another? The question is, are YOU ready for me to have another? Clearly you are very in tune to my cycle, so let’s make sure we’re on the same page.
  8. He/she doesn’t look anything like you! Probably because they are a tiny blob of fat rolls with 18+ years of maturing to do. Really, this comment means no harm, people. No one’s asking you to get a paternity test.
  9. You have to breastfeed. Turns out I can do whatever is best to feed my baby! But thanks for the age-old news that breastmilk is good shit. We know.
  10. Anything about the new mom’s weight! I spent too much on maternity clothes, I’d like to get my use out of them.

It’ll be ok, moms. If we can handle the throes of colic, terrible two’s and threenage years, we can most certainly handle these rookie comments, right?

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