Don’t make the same mistakes I did …
- Rompers are not mom-friendly: I thought these would be the perfect summer nursing wardrobe. They don’t require the same amount of thought as putting together a two-piece outfit, and they allow me to easily transition from topless milk machine to somewhat-put-together. That was until I realized after spending an hour bouncing my little one to sleep in the ring sling that I could not pee while wearing him. Having to choose between your bladder and awaking a baby is NOT a dilemma you want to be in. Until someone invents adult rompers that have snap-open bottoms, stay away from the cute rompers.
- There is no such thing as a lunch-hour: I used to care about plotting my meals strategically throughout the day – not too early, not too late. I was a consistent 11:30 a.m. lunch-eater and 5:30 p.m. dinner-eater. This is not even a thing anymore. Lunch at 9:30 a.m. is perfectly acceptable, and happy hour is round-the-clock.
- Lock the door when you finally get to run a hot bath: If you leave it open, your partner can and will walk in with the baby and try to talk to you about random things. Privacy is a rarity in motherhood. You lock the shit out of that door and let them know you are clocked out unless the house catches fire.
- Learn to love laundry: You will rarely get a day off from laundry, especially if you cloth diaper. The sooner you accept it, the easier it will be. I blast music and drink beer while tackling large loads. It helps.
- Diapers require strategy: Don’t just put the diaper on. You must make sure the back is fully covering both cheeks and pulled up as high as it’ll go, and you must run your fingers through the thighs to get the little ruffles flared out. You must also check that one side is not tighter than the other. Otherwise, you have just created much more laundry for yourself.
- The little things actually do make a difference: Prepping for my nursery, I would roll my eyes at all the little things that seemed more like “wants” and not “necessities.” Now I get insanely excited over the most minuscule inventions – like decked out stroller organization additions, little clips that hold hot car seat straps aside, color-coordinated suck pads for the baby carrier, and oh my gosh, the heavenly-scented soothing bottom spray by Honest Co. that covers the scent of his poo while cleansing his ass inbetween changes. I firmly believe that anything that makes my life easier or smell more pleasant can most definitely be considered a necessity.
- There will always be an asshole somewhere around the corner: Not everyone will be supportive. Not everyone will be informed. Not everyone will be understanding. There will always be conflict and criticism when it comes to personal parenting decisions, and you have to learn how to tune out the haters for good.
- Your face is awesome: Get used to staring matches, silly faces and making weird noises. You will become the funniest, most interesting person in the world to your little one.
- Stockpile like the end of the world is around the corner: Chocolate. Gelato. Beer. Whatever floats your boat, stock up on all of it because you will have bad days when you least have time for bad days. Soap, toilet paper, detergent – you will run out of all the essentials when you need them most. Just start obsessively stockpiling.
- Get all the storage available in the world: Both digitally and in your home. You cannot have enough bins in every and any corner of your house, and you will not have time to make room on your camera roll when your baby does something photo-worthy. Save it all.