*Photo By LuLuEdward Photo*
I half-completed this daily writing challenge for November, but I have benefitted tremendously from what I did complete. I may not have gotten words out every day, but my goal was not so much meeting deadlines as it was developing my writing.
Truthfully, before becoming a mother, I would have scoffed at myself for not completing this challenge to its fullest extent. The fact that I’m posting this a day late, and with days missing in-between – and still content – is crazy for me. I have drifted through this challenge, and I have never been a drifter in my life.
Drifting: to be carried slowly by a current of air or water.
I was always and mostly am the take-charge type. I can multi-task, but I prefer to see things through as quickly as possible. When I sit down to paint a blank canvas, I won’t stop until my vision is done. With my writing, I don’t do “rough drafts,” I just write until something is publishable. When I run a meeting, it runs on a specific agenda. Basically, when I am tasked with anything, I crank out as much as I possibly can in the hours of the day that I have. It’s a bit obnoxious sometimes.
I think a lot of this has to do with wanting to be in control and competitive. I’ve been this way since my early school days, and it’s probably why I was so good at school. I would get anxiety if I were ever behind a lesson, behind a page, behind a score. I could cope well in those times that I did fall behind, inevitably, but it only ever motivated me to race ahead once again.
And that’s largely been my approach through life. I was always racing, racing, racing for the next goal, the next dream. And then something changed when I become a mother. I was forced to slow down. To drift. I’ve realized that there is no need to race, to compete, to stay so tightly bound to one particular course.
It’s not that I’ve stopped dreaming for myself, it’s just that I’ve realized there is more to life than chasing dreams. In the past five years, I have tirelessly pursued my dreams of travel, marriage, career, and motherhood. And I’m still dreaming – dreaming of going to grad school, dreaming of launching a communications business, dreaming of having more kids. But if all we ever do is race from one dream to the next, where is the joy in our every day lives?
Too often, we don’t just let life happen, and in doing so, we lose appreciation for where we are in our present day.
In 2012, I was writing out my five-year plan in great detail. I was solely focused on all the things I wanted to achieve. And I achieved them, and I am proud.
But in 2016, I hope to do a little more drifting. A little more embracing all that I have already achieved, and a little less racing to whatever I think is somehow the next best thing. Because, right now, where I’m at, is as beautiful as any dream.