pregnancy and parenthood

13 things only moms think about when they’re finally alone

I had my second baby seven weeks ago, and unlike my first, I am much more relaxed about leaving said baby with dad and carving out some time for myself. Today I went to Target kid free, and I couldn’t stop giggling at the ridiculous thoughts floating in my head from the start of my trip to the end. Only fellow moms can share in these. 

  1. Wow, I love driving by myself. This in and of itself is a vacation. I should go slower to stretch this trip out as long as possible.
  2. This is amazing. I can park WHEREVER I WANT. This spot, that one, that one, this one. I don’t need to strategically park next to a shopping cart return. Let’s park far as fuck away today, just because I can.
  3. Mmm, I’m walking and my hands and hips are free. Everything feels so light and airy. I should start running and pretend like I’m cold, but really I’m running because I CAN!
  4. Ooooh, hello Starbuck’s and beautiful people. Today I will be drinking coffee for pure pleasure and not because I need it to survive this shopping trip. That is why I’m smiling.
  5. Do you think people can tell I have a diaper bag? Or does it look fashionable enough to pass as a purse? I should tuck the diapers in better.
  6. I look like a mom. Just look at what it’s in my cart – the wildest thing in here is Dr. Teal’s epsom salts and I’m wearing tinted moisturizer as if that covers my eye circles.
  7. DO NOT FORGET GARBANZO BEANS OR YOU WILL BE PUNISHED TENFOLD BY HAVING TO GO TO THE STORE IN FREEZING TEMPS WITH TWO KIDS ALL FOR TWO DAMN CANS OF BEANS. You can do this.
  8. Awww, look at the baby clothes… *spends 40 minutes picking up and putting back baby clothes*
  9. This has been wild, but I miss my babies.
  10. Why yes, I do have a red card,  the Cartwheel app with saved offers and two gift cards. Damn I’m good.
  11. I can’t wait to explain to my husband how much money I saved, but first let me double up the bags so it looks like less.
  12. Why did I park so far away from the shopping cart return?
  13. Shit it has been two hours. I should call and see how everyone is doing.

No one misses me and everything is calm. Seriously? Do they do that on purpose? 

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